wedensday, september 14, 2011

with no commitment to anyone,
nothing traceable
except the money i owe,
absolute freedom, for the first time in 27 years,
and still it feels so full of nothingness,
so empty and alone.

so up and down, classically bittersweet.
not at all what i wanted, but this is what i got.
and so here i am, three-thousand miles away,
with an empty tank of gas
and no one to know my name.

something so true in that, so honest and raw,
and for the first time ever,
i'm admitting that it hurts to be alone.

it takes red wine and solitude,
and a looming dark grey sky,
to see all the truths, that i hid away, deep inside.

feeling like a prisoner
in my own self-inflicted progression.
because what else can you do
when everything falls apart and fades away.

i keep going, and i try to move on,
i look forward and vow never to look back.
but it's there and it's chasing me
waking me up in the middle of the night,
demanding my attention and constant validation.

because this pain is real, and it's right.
without it we lose what it means to be a human being,
with a heart to break and a soul to take.
please don't let me lose my self.